Forgiveness...

This is a post I wasnt going to write...and I will never talk about it again.. but couldnt let it pass without saying  something

Yesterday, my first husband... the father of my children passed away. During our marriage.. he was not a good man. He was an abusive husband, a terrible father. and said the most vile things to my parents and family

Through his multiple marriages.. and numerous affairs he had eleven children... and he continuously played them against each other and constantly let them down.. to the point only two of them stayed in contact with him..one of them being our daughter.. even into adulthood

We were divorced in 2001.. when he sold the house from under us.. went to live with a much younger woman and left myself and my children penniless and having to live in a 'two up two down terrace house with my parents for five months til we found a new home

For years.. the pain.. the hatred.. the anger and even the sadness ruled my life and it was bringing me down.

Until one day I came across this quote..

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".

I dont know who said it as its been attributed to many... but... never has a truer word been spoken.. Hatred never affects them... but absolutely kills you 

That day I got on my knees and forgave every rotten thing he ever did to me... and vowed never to get angry or even think of him again. It was mostly successful... except when he upset my children.. and then the mother lioness came into play.. but that was all about them and not about him. 

At last I was able to move on.. never regretting marrying him because otherwise I wouldn't have had my amazing children. I do regret however not choosing a better father for them. But all bumpy roads lead to where we are now.. and finally I met the man who was to become the Love of My Life.. the dad my children deserve and the only grandpa my grandchildren know

So yesterday.. when I was told of his passing.. I felt nothing... except concern for my daughter. My boys had already voiced their indifference.

In his later years I hope he became a nicer man... became content with his life and I hope he found happiness. I do know that recently he has been voicing regrets at some of his life choices... but that has nothing to do with me

So I do pray he Rests in Peace... and I mean that most sincerely

Wherever he is.....

Phoebe