Tired...So Tired

Very tired today.... and I'm not sure why seeing as aIl I did on Saturday was sit on the beach. I didn't burn.. but looking at the photos.. Dear Lord ... I have a lot of work to do when this madness is over! Not just losing weight and getting a single chin...and my eyebrows and lashes back.. but getting my fitness levels up to par again 

Oh boy.. it's going to be fun

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Sunday Thought ~ Romans 8:18

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Another Beach Day

We are having a relaxing afternoon at the beach... 

but this time I'm prepared. 

Sun block.. baggy shirt.. big hat and covered with a towel. 

Now try and get me sun.. 

I dare you! 😄😄

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

A Bit of Extra Maddness

  So... in the middle of the madness.. there is something else to sort out. Can it really be two years since I got my Green Card....although I have been here for nearly three. Well in any case.. on October 1st it runs out so here we are again filling out forms.. providing evidence that we have a 'real' marriage.. getting copies of as many bank statements.. bills .. taxes... etc plus three letters of recommendation as proof. And find the $600+ to pay for it. If it's not filed on time.. I could be deported (as if MrD would ever let that happen). Who said coming to America was easy?

So as I sit here, drinking my gallons of water ready for my blood tests later.... what's on my mind??

Well if they take my pic for my new card... for the next 10 years I will be bald!!

How shallow am I? 

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Getting There...

Earlier this week I paid an unscheduled visit to see Dr Phan. It appears I have a urine infection which will be cleared up with creams and antibiotics... and a rather painful lump in my left armpit.. which dosnt appear to be in my lymph node.. but will be monitored.

Because I was his last patient of the day... I was able to have a lovely chat with him and he asked if I had any concerns. Of course I mentioned the nausea, the head sores and the face sores. I told him I had never been so tired in my life. And because of the tiredness I am sitting around too much and Im trying to watch what Im eating, but my weight is going up...tho not as much as my increasing size says I should be. It took me a lot of hard work to lose nearly 100lb... and Im so disappointed.its going back on. Moan. moan, moan.

He just smiled in own cheery way and said... its the side effects of the chemo...and all the steroids...including todays new symptoms. Not to worry. Then he asked if I thought I could cope with this new treatment... or would I like to change it. I thought for a second and then something dawned on me. I thanked him and said "no Ive come this far..its a bit late to change again now"

You see... what occurred to me is... that four weeks today...just four short weeks.. I will be having my last chemo. No more chemo..no radiation.. nada.. nothing... all done and dusted. 

So what the heck am I worried about. All the side effects will disappear and my hair will come back. So Ive put on weight... Ive lost it before I can do it again. Ive come through one of the darkest times in my life...met it head on...with Faith, Hope and Optimism. And Im still here... 

And Im still smiling.

 Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Feeling Better..

The last couple of days I have been feeling much better.. with much more energy. So.. I've been out walking.

Ok... so its not on a par on my old levels. It will be a while before Im doing almost five miles a day.. but.. its wonderful being out and about again.

 A gentle stroll is doing me the world of good... and even though when I set off it was grey and overcast..on both days... by the time I got home it was blue skies and sunshine.

And just look at the beauties I snapped on the way

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

No Teal Toes...

Happy Teal Tuesday.. I painted my toenails teal....they looked bloomin awful...so went back to pretty pink... Sorry teal. 

Anyway.. Im feeling so much better today... In the words of the fab rock group Rainbow... "These four walls are closing in... " (name that tune 🤔😀) so Im venturing out for a little walk... just around the block. 

Talk to you all later

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

The Engagement Party

Recently I told you that I have been a bit weepy. Well two of the reasons have been this pair... my beautiful daughter Miss C and her now fiance Mr P who had their engagement party on Saturday night... and me being 5,000 miles away and going through all this silliness couldnt be there. 

As a mum you want to always be there for the big milestones in your childrens lives...and I have three incredible kids who I love and miss very much. But I hope she knows that my heart was with her and I thought about her every second.

Besides...I was so privileged to be there when Mr P got down on one knee on Santa Monica Pier when they were here on vacation in April. And yes...I cried then too.

Mr P is a truly lovely guy and my little girl couldnt have found a better life mate. I know they will have a long and happy future together

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Sunday Thought ~ Luke 1:37

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral .....

Im an old fashioned girl... and I love listening to oldies on the radio. This morning I was listening to a Forties radio station and this song came on... and I sobbed my heart out. I have been a bit emotional recently, but hearing this song left me in bits.

Growing up my beloved Grandmother sang this song to all her grandchildren as she comforted them... or rocked them to sleep.

She was the biggest influence in my life.. with her wisdom...her overwhelming pride and love for her family and her total Faith in our Father in Heaven. I miss her every day

Love you always Nana...

Until we meet again

Phoebe x

Always

It always has been... and it always will be 

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Keep Fighting

Teal Tuesday...and not much change. Still nauseous and stomach cramps. I cant eat...and everything I try to drink tastes disgusting. The mouth sores arent healing...and bleed constantly. I am totally exhausted and have to literally drag myself around, This has been a brutal one

But still... I know things will improve in a day or two... and only two more treatments to go and I can get my life back

My fight continues...and Im not giving up ...#keepsmiling ..even if it does crack open your lip 😊😷

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

All Smiles... Until...

It's all smiles... til the side effects hit. 

Exhaustion.. nausea.. cold sores.. temperature. 

Not how I planned to spend my weekend 

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Sunday Thought ~ Psalm 31:24

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

The New Drug

So the chemo went well. Because there was no pain with the new drugs..it also went faster.. 4 hours instead of six which was brilliant

This new chemo meds have a few side effects though. They include a drop in my immune system...so Im more susceptible to infection. So I came home with meds stuck to my stomach in an automatic medicine injection device . A needle will automatically inject me with the meds at about 3 oclock this afternoon then and will just fall off. I had one injection at the hospital and it was painless.. just made me jump when it happened.

The sores on my mouth will likely get worse due to the immune system lowering..I will get very tired....the extra steroids they are giving me will make me hungry and bloated...which has started already...Im hating the mirror right now. 

My bones will ache to varying degrees...but Ibuprofen should ease it but if it gets too bad they gave me morphine based pills

The port area was very sore last night after it took five attempts to get the chemo needle in.The nurse just couldnt find it...and she tried and tried. She called the head nurse over and she told her to stop and she rushed out and came back with an ice pack. She placed it over the area for a few minutes then went straight in with the needle. Nurse Sue is the best.

 

It bled quite badly when the needle was removed after the treatment. When I removed the dressing to clean it last night... I could see what had happened. The young nurse had been putting the needle in the wrong place. She was going too low instead of going through the scar. She said it was the surgeons fault....Sigh!!

But who am I to complain when you sit by a guy the same age as you who has cancer in his esophagus and has gone from 175 lb to 116 lb cos he cant keep anything down...not even liquids. He spent the whole time vomiting cos he was trying to eat a chopped up pasta salad and a diet coke. It kinda makes mine seem like nothing...poor guy.

So four down...two to go...Theres light beginning to shine at the end of that tunnel

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Number Four

Chemo number 4 is going really fast. The new drug is giving me no pain .. it's wonderful. 

It makes up for them having to make five attempts to get the Chemo needle into the port. 

Ouch!!

I will be home before I know it.. yay!!

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Shout Out...

I want to send a big shout out to this Dynamic Duo. Their effort in the Cancer Research Race For Life Muddy Run has raised over £600...thats almost $800..or €700. And its still coming in. Amazing! 

A very big thank you to all of you who have either sponsored or donated through their page. Every pound, dollar and euro helped ..no matter how small

Miss C...Im a very proud Mama Bear. And Kim... I know your dear mother is looking down bursting with pride too 

Love and Hugs 

Phoebe x

Up and Down Days

Well the last few days have been a bit up and down... in more ways than one..but at least I havent been feeling poorly. The wonderful sun tan...ok burn... is still a bit red and very peely. So attractive!! Oh to be a luscious golden brown. I cant believe that my doctor took one look at me last week and burst out laughing....well at least he didnt tell me off. At least the pain in my feet has gone and they no longer look like two swollen pieces of meat. I am now back to my skinny "duck feet" as hubby likes to call them

My weight is fluctuating up and down...a couple of lbs up...a couple of lb down. At the moment its up...probably because I have been sitting around so much with the swollen feet. You would think that having a mouth full of ulcers and cold sores would mean I eat less. Wrong! I can get around that easily 😉 Im surprised I havent put on loads of weight. The steroids they are pumping into me make me so hungry... and make me so bloated...especially around my face and neck. I hate looking in the mirror right now..round face.. hardly any hair..spotty scalp...cold sores... and 10 eyebrow hairs! Yes I counted them 

One great thing that has happened though is I have most of the feeling back in my finger tips so I have started stitching again..maybe not good enough for my Etsy shop...yet...but its a good start..yay!

So we are into the start of another chemo week. Blood tests yesterday... a meeting with the oncologist Dr Phan this afternoon.. and then chemo on Thursday with a new drug. I wonder what side effects I will get with that? 

Whatever happens... I will get through it. And hey! Its number four...so only two more to go. We are getting there 

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x

Hearts

Although the feeling in my finger tips hasnt quite returned to normal...and it may get worse again due to the chemo..Ive been getting a bit of stitching in. 

As my daughter and her friend did the Race for Life Muddy Run for Cancer Research on Saturday... I was inspired to make some hearts for her to sell to raise some money. 

I also made a small gift for her running partner Kim...who lost her mum to this terrible disease. And another for a lady whose mum is just starting her battle. 

I hope they like them 

Love and Hugs

Phoebe x